The Conquest Of Scandinavia

By Inge on 2005-09-25

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2. Jens Wegar (Helsinki)

After I left Helsingborg, I continued to Kopenhagen (Denmark), Malmö, Lund, and Stockholm (Sweden), and then came to the conclusion that Stockholm had depressed me to such tremendous heights that I had to meet a new MadTracker-user to make me feel a bit better again. I blackmailed Sunbuster with pictures of him when he was six e-mailed Sunbuster and kindly asked him if I could stay for a night at his place, after which I immediately gained access to his house, the cooking skills of his mother, and the organisational skills of his father. Let this be a lesson: black e-mailing makes the world go around. Helsinki, especially under the guidance of Sunbuster, is a beautiful capital full of clashing influences. Having been under Swedish and former Sovjet-Union control, a weird mixture of Swedish feeling for style and class, and Sovjet-Union drive for functionality and lower quality standards can be seen and felt throughout Helsinki. Sunbuster was as kind as to make his tour go from overwhelming beautiful (for instance the Uspenski cathedral & the Temppeliaukio church) to sheer utter depressions (the Helsinki harbour on a rainy day is more than enough to turn any optimistic linedancer into a suicidal goth in less than five minutes), which gave an excellent idea about what Helsinki really is.

the main cathedral of Helsinki

The always-depressing harbour of Helsinki

During the evening we got ourself a beer or two, after first having stepped over, oh, 423 random persons on the pavement outside who were drinking beer. In The Netherlands, drinking beer on the streets is for the homeless and the Korzakov-beyond-hope-ones. In Helsinki, drinking beer on the streets is as normal as, well, drinking beer on the streets. I left the national hobby for what it was, and got myself a genuine Finnish Koff III beer inside one of the many pubs available in the city center. It only costed me a third mortgage and three organ donors, so prices aren't even that bad compared to Sweden. Sunbuster indulged in some odd combination of milk and alcohol. After having read A Clockwork Orange, any combination of milk and synthetic drugs seemed far from wise, and I'm pretty sure my grandmother would not approve it either. I had to carry Sunbuster home, which was quite an effort since he was either throwing up or singing "for he's a jolly good fellow" in a distorted death metal vocalist fashion returned together with Sunbuster in all safety, and enjoyed the privacy of my own room for one night.

Inge & Sunbuster at some pub in Helsinki's center of the city.

The second day was used to visit what was left of the touristic things that one must see. The problem with touristic attractions namely is that skipping one is dangerous, if not fatal. You always find yourself after a holiday discussing it with another person who also has been on the holiday location that you visited, and getting the "you must be bloody insane!" look when you tell that you haven't been to this wood-with-iron church located 13 kilometer outside the city core where they still sacrifice sheep in the traditional way, which apparently was the most impressive thing the other has seen in his whole life. Therefore, always go to every touristic spot you are aware of, so that no such social humiliations can occur.

Helsinki's Rautatien tori (Railroad square)

Temppeliaukio church in Helsinki

Since I was sick and tired of the mere thought of going back by ferry to Stockholm (both the ferry with its tacky interior and its world championship tackiness guests, and Stockholm with its car roads going straight through the city center were not very appealing to return to), Sunbuster's father helped me out. He and Sunbuster found a way to go to Sweden via Lapland. Visiting the polar circle sounded like a great plan to sell Dutch drugs for exorbitant prices to native inhabitants in these regions exotic and intriguing enough to go through the effort of travelling for more than 30 hours in a row by different trains and busses. This effort turned out to be one of the most splendid experiences during my journey. Going by train from Helsinki to Kemi (northern Finland), moving further with different buses and trains to Gallivare (northern Sweden), and going from there to Ostersund (middle Sweden) was one large and beautiful sightseeing exhibition filled with a plethora of trees, forests, rivers, mountains, snow fields, clouds and skies. Would you accidently ever bump into Sunbuster's father, then definately ask him for travelling advice. His routes would even make a visit to Tjernobyl or Tartarus a terrific experience.

Random view from the bridge to the train station in Gallivare

View from the train just after the Norwegian border

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