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technoid
Regular

Joined: 21 Sep 2003
Location: Oregon USA

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 02:26 Merry Christmas!
Yowza! The new background (red with "snow?") caught me by surprise. I assume it's for Xmas, otherwise it must be Cherry Coke with fizzy bubbles. Anyway, it's 2 weeks away, but Merry Xmas (for those who observe it)!
~techie

mikx
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Melbourne

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 10:41
hehe, yeah.. it was like this last year too. the colours are a little contrasting IMO.. anyway, MEEERRY CHRISTMAS! and ah.. hope santa or that christmas star as we polish people have, brings you many prezzies, more or less, madtracker 3.. mikx

XnmE
Registered User

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Warsaw, Poland

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 10:57

mikx wrote:

and ah.. hope santa or that christmas star as we polish people have, brings you many prezzies, more or less, madtracker 3.. Razz

well... christmas star? maybe christmas star brings gifts to polish people in Australia Smile

coz in poland we have santa claus too Smile

but we had Grandfa the Frost years ago Smile

Music Is ThE GatE
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Last edited by XnmE on Sat Dec 13 2003 15:12; edited 1 time in total

Sonitus
Beta-Tester

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Gothenburg, Sweden

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 14:08
Me wants summer!
www.sonitusmusic.com www.myspace.com/sonitusswe www.vibraonline.com

CHICAGO�lollie
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 15:07

I want winter! Come back!!
Cooling fans just don't cut it Rolling Eyes

Oh well, at least I've got my fibre optic christmas tree Rolling Eyes

Quote:

Spotted on another forum

The 12 Days of Christmas

-----
December 14, 1985
Dearest John,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised darling!

With deepest love,
Agnes

-----
December 15, 1985
Dearest John,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves! I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are truly adorable!

With all my love,
Your Agnes

-----
December 16, 1985
Dearest John,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one! But I really must protest, I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. My goodness. You are just a darling of course, but I must insist, you've been too kind!

Love,
Agnes

-----
December 17, 1985
Dear John,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are plainly beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic dear.

Affectionately,
Agnes

-----
December 18, 1985
Dearest darling John,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings! One for every finger! You're just impossible darling, but oh how I love it! Frankly all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves, I am glad you thought of something different.

All my love,
Agnes

-----
December 19, 1985
Dear John,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I can't sleep through all the racket. Please stop.

Cordially,
Agnes

-----
December 20, 1985
John,
What the hell is with you and those f*^#ng birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of sick joke is this!!?? There's bird shit everywhere! The little bastards never shut up, I can't sleep anymore, and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny you weirdo.

Sincerely,
Agnes

-----
December 21, 1985
O.K. Buster,
The birds were bad enough, but what the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? If that's not bad enough, they had to bring their damn cows!! There is shit all over the lawn, and I can't move in my own house!! Just lay off me smartass, or you'll be sorry!

Agnes

-----
December 22, 1985
Hey Shithead,
What are you, some kind of sadist!?! Now there's nine pipers playing! Christ do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting a petition against me.

You'll get yours!
Agnes

-----
December 23, 1985
You rotten pr*+k!!!
Now there's ten ladies dancing! But they're not ladies! These broads are having an orgy with the pipers! Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea! My living room is a river of shit, and the building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause for having all these animals. I'm calling the police on you creep!

One who means it!

-----
December 24, 1985
Listen f*+*khead!
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and ladies!?!?! Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers ran through the maids and have been sodomizing the cows. At least the birds are quiet. They were trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you are satisfied you rotten vicious swine!

Your sworn enemy,
Agnes

-----
December 25, 1985
Law Offices of Badger, Binder, and Irwin
30 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois

Dear Sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes McHolstein. The destruction of course was total.

If you attempt to reach Ms. McHolstein at Happy Daze Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.

Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Merry Christmas smart**s!! (snicker snicker)

Cordially,
Badger, Binder, and Irwin

mikx
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Melbourne

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 19:48
xnme: a pierwsza gwiazdka nigdy nie przynosila prezentow? hm... maybe my family is just a bunch of crazy people.. haha mikx ps. lollie- bhahaha!! ... ahah.. ow.. my head! (actually it _was_ very funny .. just that my head is killing me- got back from a set and its fkn 6am, too much drinking ... etc.. uurrhhhggg!!)

XnmE
Registered User

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Warsaw, Poland

Posted: Sat Dec 13 2003 22:45

mikx wrote:

xnme: a pierwsza gwiazdka nigdy nie przynosila prezentow? hm... maybe my family is just a bunch of crazy people.. haha Razz

mi nigdy nie przyniosla Smile

Music Is ThE GatE
---------------------

mikx
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Melbourne

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 08:46
xnme: ee... no to moim rodzicom cos sie chyba po chrzanilo. moze to jakas staro swiecka tradycja ze prezenty sie dostawalo 'na gwiazdke' .. hmm.. mikx getting back on the topic: merry christmas in any case...

CHICAGO�lollie
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 12:33

God, so many random letters, so little time to decode.

Found another one on the same forum. Hehehe...

Quote:

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. then, Mrs Claus told him that her Mum was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more. then when he went to harness the reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys everywhere. So, frustrated Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that someone had drank all of his liquor and there was nothing left to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of pieces all over the kitchen floor. he went to get the broom and found that the mice had eaten the straw from which it was made. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And that gentle reader is how the Angel came to be on top of the tree.

...ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...hehehe... Cool

XnmE
Registered User

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Warsaw, Poland

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 16:11

mikx wrote:

xnme: ee... no to moim rodzicom cos sie chyba po chrzanilo. moze to jakas staro swiecka tradycja ze prezenty sie dostawalo 'na gwiazdke' .. hmm...

na gwiazdke, ale od Mikolaja Smile

ok, ok, let's speak english Smile

Lollie can't decode polish Smile

Music Is ThE GatE
---------------------

Sunbuster
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Finland

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 16:21
->Lollie:

D Vibe
Registered User

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Sweden

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 18:19

XnmE wrote:

mikx wrote:

xnme: a pierwsza gwiazdka nigdy nie przynosila prezentow? hm... maybe my family is just a bunch of crazy people.. haha Razz

mi nigdy nie przyniosla Smile

Oh yeah?

https://www.dvibe.se

CHICAGO�lollie
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 22:50

XnmE wrote:

mikx wrote:

xnme: ee... no to moim rodzicom cos sie chyba po chrzanilo. moze to jakas staro swiecka tradycja ze prezenty sie dostawalo 'na gwiazdke' .. hmm...

na gwiazdke, ale od Mikolaja Smile

ok, ok, let's speak english Smile

Lollie can't decode polish Smile

lol
Don't worry about it, continue with the random letters! Razz

Przypadkowe listy na zawsze! Wink

Hehehe

CHICAGO�lollie
Registered User

Joined: 05 May 2003

Posted: Sun Dec 14 2003 23:27

Ok, now I found another one.
This brings a lot of issues about Santa Clause up, and throws them in the gutter, so to speak

I think I'll make this one my last huge ranting post, unless I find one that is so outrageously funny, the world explodes into millions of--Wait, that wouldn't work, ummmmmmmmmmm...
Oh whatever, lol.

Quote:

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical).
This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas!

Inge
Man-At-Arms

Joined: 04 May 2003
Location: Nieuw Lekkerland @ Holland

Posted: Mon Dec 15 2003 00:15
Hehe...too funny to resist placing it on my dutch weblog. Where did you get it from, Lollie?
Care for a game of Monopoly?

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